Recently I had freed myself from computers and phones, or rather, courageously escaped from their grasp. I froze my phone, and killed my Facebook/MSN accounts. The main reason for that was so that I, entering grade 11, could really spend my time efficiently on studying without distraction. However, it wasn’t long after my resolution when I found the true beauty of life of physical.
You may call me brave or admire me even; however, for the first week, deep inside of me, I was still a slave of “cyber-interaction”, yet unable to break away completely. I was a little kid unprepared to leave the walls of warm and cozy “technology”, too scared to step in to the world of the physical. I fully expected myself to turn back sooner or later to texting, Facebook and MSN, unable to bear the “inefficiency” of having to visit someone face to face for social interactions. After not more than 2 weeks, an amazing thing happened: I came to enjoy it. Every day, I walk to a nearby university library, an astounding half a mile away, inside my bag: a math workbook, the day’s homework, and a good, thick book. On my way, I walk through the university campus, wind blowing at my face, soaked in my admiration for the beauty of the Vancouver streets. At the library, I find an empty seminar room and make myself at home. After a few pages of simple math, I take out my novel and begin reading. Completely submerged in the story, I wake up to realize it is 7 already-a little late to do homework, but who cares? It has been almost a month since I stopped living a sedentary life, brainwashed by Facebook and text messages. My new life has been wonderful since, with no time wasted on computers and phones. Is this what it means to live one’s life to the fullest?
Perhaps being free from cyberspace does not only mean having more spare time-although enough spare time to stop once in a while to admire life. Recently, I found myself light on feet feeling brighter inside. Maybe it’s a biological thing. Until recently I had been one of those who let emoticons replace our smiles and laughter while sitting expressionless in front of the monitor, completely motionless as their fingers typed away. I’m not a doctor or anything, but I know that when we smile or laugh, endorphins are produced inside us making us feel happy and joyful. As I have abandoned telecommunications, only way for me to interact with others was to talk to people face to face. This way, I was able to actually smile, laugh or frown as I talked, endorphin juice flowing in my brain.
As I got familiar with physical interactions, I began to get better at talking. It might sound weird, I know, but it’s true; I got much better at expressing my thoughts and feelings, or rather, I got more comfortable at expressing what’s inside me. I realized this only a few days ago- how good I got at physical communication- when I spoke with my mom. Ever since I was 10, I lived away from my father and relatives, separated by the Pacific, along with my mom and sister. Our separation was very stressing for all of us, and for 7 years we have endured the separation. It must have been really hard for my mom, who had to take care of me, who was just stepping into the beginning of the rebellious age of puberty, and my sister who was too young to be left alone even for a minute. On top of all things, recently, during our visit to Korea during the summer, my mom’s parents both fell very ill. My grandfather ended up leaving us forever. I hadn’t had very much affection toward my grandfather, for I remember seeing him no more than a few times in my life, but I could tell my mom was breaking down. Perhaps she felt an immense amount of guilt, having been absent from her parents’ side for 7 years, never having enough time for them. I tried to comfort her many times before but every time, I felt something blocking my throat, holding me back. I was afraid. Only recently, as I had gotten familiar with physical interaction, I found the courage to walk into the kitchen, where she was preparing dinner and, tell her “I love you mom.” She stopped and stared at me. I felt a surge of embarrassment and shame, not because of my “I love you”, but because I realized just how much of a coward I was, not having enough courage before to say something so easy to say. Then, I asked her, “How was it? What I just said.” She replied, “It feels pretty good” and smiled. It felt really good to be able to express something like that. Not with emoticons but with good, warm love.
Because good things are better shared, I have been trying to get some of my friends to lay off their inert, sedentary lives and follow me into the world of physical. However, none had really agreed, making obtuse excuses like “I need my phone so my parents can contact me” or “I do homework on Facebook so I can ask people questions while I do it”. However, in reality, they were looking at me with skeptical eyes. I found myself to resemble the liberated prisoner in Plato’s allegory of cave, unable to enlighten other prisoners inside the dark, miserable cave how beautiful outside world is. I’m not trying to sound like one of those people in diet product commercials who claim to have lost 50 pounds and are loving their life ever since. I really enjoy the life of physical. I don’t mind walking half a mile to visit a friend. At least I live in the real, real world.
